Make Him Ache
The latest edition of Cosmopolitan has an article titled "7 Ways to Make Him Ache for You." Early in the article, it's nice to note: "... experts now know that guys are actually hardwired for long-term lusting" instead of what many women fear... that once the newness has worn off, once enough time has gone by, he'll start to lose interest.
However, you still need to work at keeping that spark in the relationship, because anything not nurtured will wither. I'm not going to go into complete details of the article, but share with you a couple of things I took away from it, and ask for opinions in turn.
Make sure you "accidentally" touch him. Instead of asking him for the car keys, reach into his pocket for them and take your time getting them out. Instead of asking him to pass something at the dinner table, be a little rude and reach across him, letting your breasts rub against his arm. In a crowded bar or restaurant, don't walk past him, "press your rear into his gear".
Right along with what my online class "Understanding the Male Psyche" has been saying, the article indicates that telling the man in your life less about your life makes him long for you more. "The hard truth is that from his end, that information (your horrible day at work or a play-by-play of the last episode of your favorite TV show) is overwhelming and boring," explains Douglas Weiss, PhD, author of The 7 Love Agreements. "Men don't have the capacity to endure great amounts of detail. That's one of the reaons why they don't give you the play-by-play of their lives." The less you tell him, the more interested he'll become.
So, tell me. Those of you with husbands or significant others... is this true of your guys? And, guys, does this ring true for you?
15 comments:
I think you're spot on, Kate. If you're too clingy, too dependent, there's no mystery, no challenge.
Cool stuff. And I don't think I could totally rely on a guy. Oy. The drama! The drama that would be the relationship. No sirree bob.
Being too dependent can lead to a woman being totally isolated from everyone but her spouse, which is not only unhealthy, but a very dangerous place to be.
Hmm...I would agree with the minutiae (also curious to true sp?) comment made by Kate. It's kind of like when someone tells you everything that happened in an episode of Seinfel they watched. Even if the episode was hilarious, it loses something in the retelling.
Still, communication is vital. Without it, things tend to wither away, as I have recently experienced in my own failed marriage.
But yet still again, I never have a problem keeping a guy interested for several dates and I blather on endlessly if I like a guy enough to actually repeat date him. Either the blathering doesn't bother men as much as Cosmo tends to think...or the men I date are just staring at my cleavage and zoning out.
(don't think it's the cleavage though since I'm struggling to fill out a B cup at the moment, lol)
So glad to visit the blog Sherr
Ah-ha. This was supposed to remain a secret between us guys, so women don't find out how easy it is to wrap us round their fingers...
And yes, minutiae is the correct plural of minutia ;o)
A.E., so glad to be visited! :)
Remember, early in a relationship, everything is still new and so the blathering isn't the turn-off it may be later. LOL
Emma, absolutely NOT! Part of what keeps a relationship healthy, I believe, is that each person has time and does things just for themselves. And you're right when you say communication is vital. But too much of a good thing is still too much. At least, according to Cosmo.
Which part of that was the secret, Fal? That you're not good with details? Or that as long as you have cleavage to stare at, we can blather on as much as we want to? *G*
Innuendo is also good for what aches you. Hints of desire hidden in looks, touches, secret or code words/phrases. A certain sparkle in the eye across the room, a brief caress on any number of possible body parts as one passes by, say, in the kitchen... Post-it notes stuck here or there with something as simple as a heart drawn on it... Parenthood enabled (made!) us perfect these moves... Besides, it's fun! lol Interesting blog as usual, Sherrill! ~Su
lol I was so busy blathering on about the "make him ache" part that I forgot to blather about the blather.
It's true. Too many details drive my DH nuts (at times). He also is receptive enough to know when I need to blather on about something to get it out of my system. And it is a two-way street for the most part. :^) hugs!
Well, Su, you seem to be saying what others have said, so it's nice to see that real life pretty much reflects what the article indicated. :)
I think the article is right even though I don't like it. Details can be important but not to the men I know.
In fact my DH is going to suffer big time because the big lug told me I was clingy because I wanted a kiss. Well he knows now he can kiss this..........hehe! I told him he will pay dearly for that comment and he smiles. Guess who will win this one?? Oh and in July we will have been married 26 years. Yikes! That went fast. Most days he's a gem but not right now! He'll have to beg again! Just thought I would drop a note since I see your name everywhere these days Sherrill. Something moving along for you - I'll have to get busy and read some of your books.
Ooh, Debbie, you'd think after 26 years he'd know better. Of course, if he's smiling now, it could be he did it on purpose cuz he likes how it gets him in trouble... *big grin*
And you definitely should read my books, girl! What're you waiting for?!?
At the RWA conference one of the male writers had a workshop on his perceptions of male vs. female pov. It was one of the more interesting because this is an interesting topic. I know those "accidental" touches are important in the twitterpated stage of a relationship, and it definitely makes sense to keep touch an integral part of a relationship. Touch is so important to people.
Hi, Annalee! Touch is important, you're right. And those little "accidental" touches may be even more important the longer-lasting the relationship is... just to keep a little suprise alive. :)
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