The Definition Of Nasty
I've been thinking -- a lot -- about what the word 'nasty' means. Here's what I got from an online dictionary:
1) disgustingly dirty; physically repellent
2) morally offensive; indecent
3) malicious; spiteful
Why am I stuck on this particular word? Here's the thing. I was talking to my sister-in-law about my pitches -- and the requests for manuscripts (full and partial) -- from St. Martins. After she told me how great that was, and I mean immediately after, she asked me if I was going to tone it down, make it not as nasty (in this case, meaning "morally offensive" or "indecent").
I told her no. After a couple more minutes of going back and forth, I asked her if she thought that a Christian shouldn't write a murder mystery where people killed people, since killing's a sin. She kind of hemmed and hawed, then asked, "Are they married?"
Me: "My characters?"
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "No."
Her: "Then I've got a problem with that."
Because, I guess, pre-marital sex is a bigger sin than murder. Or describing the act of love-making between two people who are in love or at least on the verge of it is worse than describing a murder scene.
*sigh* I just don't get it. But I do know this: I'm not sharing my news with my sister-in-law anymore. My mother wishes I wrote children's books, but she was happy with my news and didn't ask me if I was going to tone it down. So why does my sister-in-law feel it necessary to dictate my morality?
Whatever. I lost sleep over it the night before last, but no more. Don't get me wrong--I love her. I've known her for 22 years. She and I are good friends. This is just something we're going to agree to disagree on and I'm done expecting her to be or wishing she would be happy for me. Without the judgment. You know... Don't rain on my parade!
So, my sister and my friends will continue to be my support and my cheerleaders. My sister-in-law, the next time she asks how things are going, will get a simple "Fine."
St. Martins asked me to send a full AND a partial manuscript. Nasty or not, how great is that?!?
20 comments:
Dear God, Sherrill, I'm so proud of you!! You stood your ground and made sense out of the duality that religion is foisting upon us, everywhere. Murder IS a sin, a huge one, and yet this country has guns everywhere, there's murders everywhere, all the movies have murders, all the computer and arcade games have murders, but nowhere - NO WHERE - is open, free sex celebrated. Nowhere. It's as though we can't be happy making babies, but we can damn sure be happy killing them when they're just 18.
Makes me wish Jesus would pop in for a visit...no, I don't. Nobody would listen to Him anyway.
God Bless your SIL. May she get what she's thinking. And GOOD for you for standing up for yourself!! You make ALL writers proud!
First of all, Congrats Sherrill on St. Martin's request. That's awesome news and of course, you knew it was just a matter of time. ;)
Second of all..when I heard the news that the owner of the Utah Jazz who also owns a movie complex in Salt Lake City reneged on his contract to show Brokeback Mountain because it would teach our children morally offensive things. But he was willing to show Hostel..which showed the brutal rape and torture of people. All I could do was shake my head...it's wrong to show a tragically romantic love story (because it's between two men), but it's all right to condone murder and torture. Ugh! I just don't understand people today.
Your SIL might be a nice person, but she doesn't deserve your confidence if she's not going to trust your own moral compass, Sherrill. Just because you write 'nasty' stories..doesn't mean you're a 'nasty' person and she needs to seperate the two.
Keep plugging away. You'll get that big contract someday and then she'll be bragging about her SIL who's a famous author. (even if you still write 'nasty' stories...lol)
Thanks, Forrest. This isn't the first time she's voiced this opinion, and I know it won't be the last. I guess it's because she equates what I write with porn, because I choose not to stop the sex at the bedroom door.
She's entitled to her opinion. And I'll keep doing what to this point has been quite successful for me! :)
T.A., see... that's what I'm talkin' about. We're being morally responsible (and I say this with tongue planted firmly in cheek) by not showing a love story between two men, but then we'll turn around and show a horrific slasher movie. (I didn't know it included rape, by the way. Yeah, that's waaaay better than gay sex.)
Because, apparently, sex is the worst sin imaginable unless you're married (and having sex with your spouse) and said spouse is a person of the opposite sex. An unless the book or movie portrays that wholesomeness, forget about it.
(sigh)
But, hey. I get to send two manuscripts into St. Martins. I'm happy! :)
Well, none of us really enjoy sex, you know. ;) It should only be done within marriage and only to help populate the earth. Anything else is just wrong. (that's why my partner and I are going to burn in hell..lol)
I hear ya, T.A. :)
Well, Emma, it's not going to do me any good to be rude to her, and it could (probably would) hurt my relationship not just with her, but with my brother. So I'm taking the high road, and just won't be talking to her much about what's going on with me.
Sometimes it's a pain having to be the mature one, isn't it?
Some people have problems because they intrepret murder as a public, social danger, and view sex as a private activity.
They cross the line though when they call sex "nasty."
Murder is nasty.
Sex is wonderful.
First, congrats on the requests for your MSs!
Second, I'm glad your spine retained its strength with your SIL. Mine would've turned to mush, I would've slinked away, but I would've kept my MS the same because it's what was accepted. And, yes, I would keep future writing news from said SIL and change the subject should she ask. Bravo for you! :)
It is "interesting" how she "forgave" murder in the plot but couldn't see past premarital sex. hugs!
T.A., you've no idea. LOL
Bernita, you're right, of course. But my sil has her opinion and, while she doesn't think murder is right, I think she'd rather I write a Stephen King-type novel than one that shows a loving relationship, because I choose to describe the sex full-blown.
So to speak. :)
Sherrill,
Congrats on the St. Martins. And I'd do exactly what you're doing with your SIL. Lots of people still think sex is a dirty word and shouldn't be exposed to anyone outside the bedroom door with the lights off.
The example of Brokeback Mountain is a good one. And one of the reasons it is hard to define the term "romance" or even "erotic romance" because what it means to one person it means something totally different.
Sex outside of marriage to some people is a sin regardless if it last longer than some marriages. Just like they view divorce. Stay married to the man who abuses you is okay, but not to discuss how lousy the sex is. Opps getting off topic there. :)
Su, it is interesting, isn't it? And I know I'm not going to win this one with her, so I'm not going to argue and try to justify myself. She can think what she wants to--it's a free country.
Now, I just have to steel myself to be ready to tell her "I'd rather not talk about it" if she precipitates a conversation about my allegedly nasty books. :)
Nancy, that's exactly what it comes down to. My characters are 1) having sex outside of marriage and 2) being quite the exhibitionists since the reader gets to "see" everything that's going on.
If I were to write only things that I believe in or, rather, not write about things I believe are wrong, I'd be left with children's books and inspirationals.
No, thanks. :)
I'm with you there, Sherrill. If I wrote only things I believe in, then my writing would be very limited. Actually, I probably wouldn't be writing at all. That's a really depressing thought.
That is really depressing, Nancy. Good thing we've got our erotic romance, huh? :)
Maybe this was because you were writing a story that happened in the Middle Ages where people had to pretend this sort of thing didn't happen? And so you need to change it for consistency...?
lol
Fal, it sounds that way, doesn't it? LOL
That is not just great...that's Extremely Superior! St. Martin's! Many huge congrats... and don't you dare tone down the nasty. :-)
A very valid point. Why are so many "Christians" down on premarital sex like sharks on a limping octopus--but they just love a good murder? What twisted priorities humanity has.
S.W., I can't answer that cuz, well, I'm still scratching my head over it. Guess I'm not a good Christian. :)
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