Now, I've been told that erotic romances where bondage occurs where the man's the one who's tied up don't sell very well. It seems most women fantasize about a big, strong man tying them up and having their wicked way with their bodies.
But, I dunno... This guy brings up some interesting fantasies, don't you think?
"It takes two to get one in trouble." ~Mae West
I just love the ocean, don't you? Especially when there's a view like this...
We have the cover for the last of the seasonal anthologies at Whiskey Creek Press Torrid, the Fall Fires Anthology:
Isn't it pretty? My story, Pumpkin Moon, is the final chapter in the Friends Incorporated series and takes up with Turner De Winton, the last of the owners of the private investigation firm.
Turner de Winton, twin brother to Brandt and the fourth owner of Friends, Incorporated, is head over heels in love with Valida Northrup. He knows there's something different about her... he'd certainly never expected her to be one of the undead. Determined to help protect her from the vampire hunters on her trail, he is equally determined to convince her that neither life—nor undeath—can come between them. And there’s also a little matter of a wager between him and his best friend that involves Valida and a jack-o-lantern painted on his ass…
Valida Northrup.
Her pale blonde hair was piled on top of her head today, leaving her long neck bare and vulnerable-looking. His eyes traveled down the rest of her body, lingering on full breasts, then down her long, long legs set off by the soft-looking, short skirt she wore.
God, he could look at her until he shriveled up and died.
And if he could get her into bed again… he’d die a happy man.
He shifted in his chair, trying to unobtrusively adjust his hard cock. One look, that’s all it took. One glimpse of her and his dick could drill through concrete. One thought and there was no shutting out the memory of the way she called out his name when he was buried balls-deep inside her slick heat.
“I said,” his friend Roger said, his voice jumping with humor, “that the one who backs the losing team has to have the woman of his choosing paint a jack-o-lantern on his ass. Then he has to moon the Mayor at the annual Fall Fires dance.”
Val went into his cousin Sydney’s office and Turner nearly upset the chair trying to keep her in sight. “Whoa!”
Roger laughed. “Dude, you have so lost it. Why don’t you just ask her out again already?”
“The timing’s never right.” Turner scooted the chair closer to his desk and fought a blush. Damn. It was bad enough making an ass out of himself in front of his best friend; he did it all the time. But somehow he got the feeling that Val knew he’d nearly toppled himself onto his head. The woman seemed to know every time he was less than debonair. Even when she wasn’t looking at him.
Now, here she was. She came to see Syd frequently, but always after dark. He’d gotten to the point where he was staying at the office later and later, just in case she came in. She’d been avoiding him since that one night, but he’d be damned if he was going to let her continue dodging him.
How one night of sex—albeit mind-numbing, roll-your-eyes-to-the-back-of-your-head sex—could have entrenched her so firmly in his mind, in his soul… he was clueless.
He didn’t like being clueless.
What was it about her that drew him? Her body? The startling blue eyes that always seemed to be layered with sadness? That sexy Brit accent?
“Why? How hard is it?” Roger interrupted his musing. “‘Hi, Valida. Remember me? Turner De Winton, aka Loser.’” He shook his head. “Man, I’ve only been married five years, but I still remember how to ask a girl out.”
“It’s… complicated, Rog.” Turner rubbed the back of his neck and blew a sigh from between pursed lips. He wasn’t sure he could put into words what he was thinking. How did you tell your best bud that you thought your would-be girlfriend wasn’t human? He’d caught a glimpse or two of a reflection in her eyes that made them look silver. And when they’d made love, he could’ve sworn at one point she was about to bite him.
Bite him.
Later he’d convinced himself it had been his imagination, that second when her teeth had looked like fangs. But still, he couldn’t shake the feeling there was something preternatural about her. She moved quietly, sometimes so much so that he couldn’t hear her. When she made noise, it was because she wanted to. There was often a coolness to her skin that didn’t seem normal. With all of that, he was almost certain she was…
He had a hard time even thinking the word. Was he nuts, wondering if his woman was a vampire?
Copyright ©2006 Sherrill Quinn. All Rights Reserved.
Coming in December at Whiskey Creek Press, Tall, Dark & Naked is part of Torrid Teasers Volume 18.
From Annie at EuroReviews:
"Sherrill Quinn has an incredible way with sizzling erotica that just won’t quit; all this and a love story too! This is a must-read!"
5 Flags!
I got this from my niece. Think about each "natural high" before going onto the next.
1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket.
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail.
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake (or vanilla or strawberry...).
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling with friends.
14. A good conversation.
15. The beach.
16. Finding a $20 bill in your coat from last year.
17. Laughing at yourself.
18. Looking into someone's eyes and knowing he (or she) loves you.
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke.
24. Friends.
25. Accidentally overhearing someone saying something nice about you.
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few more hours to sleep.
27. Your first kiss.
28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
29. Playing with a new puppy.
30. Having someone play with your hair.
31. Sweet dreams.
32. Hot chocolate. (Heck, chocolate of any kind!)
33. Road trip with friends.
34. Swinging on swings.
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
36. Making chocolate chip cookies. (Eating chocolate chip cookies is better!)
37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
38. Holding hands with someone you care about.
39. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
40. Watching the expression on someone's face while they open a much-desired gift from you.
41. Watching the sun rise (or set).
42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
43. Knowing that someone misses you.
44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.
And a few more of my own:
46. Hearing a baby's laugh.
47. Having readers be excited to "see" you on a readers loop.
48. Signing a book contract.
49. Getting a rejection letter that invites you to revise and resubmit, and submit anything else you might have.
50. Receiving a great review on your book.
What about you? What can you add to the list?
"Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other thing." ~Abraham Lincoln
I thought I'd bring out a picture of my muse, Urien, for those of you who haven't met him yet. And, yes, he's always nekkid as a jaybird...
He's dishy, ain't he? Yummmmmmm...
Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what is that called when two people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?"
Let me wrap my arms around you, hold you, slide my hands down your hard muscles, trace the line of moisture running to your naval.
What is this? You still have your underwear on?
Let me help you with that, too...
"A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking put out. The egg mutters to no one in particular, 'I guess we answered that question.'" ~Author Unknown
According to a History Channel special I watched a couple of nights ago, in ancient Rome, condoms were made of sheep entrails. Cut a piece off and knot it on one end, and voila! You have a condom.
My question is this:
Who was the first person who looked at a pile of sheep entrails and thought, "Hmm. These could make a great condom." ?? And, when he looked at that pile, did he calculate how much money he could make per sheep? (And were the sheep looking at the man a little funny?)
Thoughts, anyone? Cuz, I really wanna know.
"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough." ~Mae West
... I'm a wuss. A bona fide, honest-to-God lightweight.
I only worked 20 hours this week, and I'm so tired I feel like I did back when I was working 50+ hours a week. After only a year of not working outside the home, I go back to work part-time and phew! I. Am. Wiped. Out.
I think it's... I'm allergic. Yeah. That must be it. I'm allergic to being in an office and having to be "on" and around people. Because I'm intrinsically an introvert, to always be up and act like an extrovert is exhausting.
I really want to be able to write full-time and support myself that way. So... I'm heading off to start working on one of my writing projects!
"The most essential factor is persistence--the determination never to allow your energy or enthusiasm to be dampened by the discouragement that must inevitably come." ~James Whitcomb Riley
Well... howdy there, cowboy! Why don't you just mosey on over here? I'm ready, willin' and able to save a horse...
"I'm a woman of very few words, but lots of action." ~Mae West
Coming in December, my tale of loneliness and love wrapped in a shiny red bow...
Anna O'Banyon is a woman who understands loss and loneliness more than she wants to. She desperately doesn't want to wake up alone on Christmas Day. Jasper Snow, a member of the Winter Clan of the Water Elemental elves at the North Pole, is put in charge by Kris Kringle of the newly-formed Mended Hearts Division of Santa Claus, Incorporated. It's his job to make sure Anna's wish comes true.
Good thing for her he's so dedicated.
Kris straightened in his chair and held up his hand. “I’ve made my decision, Mr. Snow. You are now officially the President of our Mended Hearts Division.”
When Jazz stood there, staring at him, searching for something—anything—that could change the other man’s mind, Kris waved his hand in a shooing motion. “That’s all, Mr. Snow. You may go.”
Jazz clamped his jaw on the pithy retort that strained against his lips and scrubbed his hand over his goatee. Damned sanctimonious… Turning, he stalked to the office door and flung it open.
“Oh, there’s just one more thing,” Kris said, his tone colored with a dark note of glee. “I want you to personally handle our first client. Show the troops how it’s done, so to speak.”
Jazz slowly turned to face his tormenter. Kris’s chubby cheeks were red and his blue eyes sparkled with good cheer. At Jazz’s expense.
“I don’t do field work,” Jazz said through his teeth. Forty years he’d spent here. To be told he had to go back out in the trenches—to handle a fucking romantic issue yet—wasn’t welcomed news. He clenched his fists against the urge to throttle Kris’s thick throat, patriarch of the clan or no.
“You do now.” Kris stared at him and the good humor leeched from his gaze. He appeared every inch the Patriarch—hard, cold and immovable. “You still have ten years of your fifty-year commitment here at the North Pole, Jazz. I know you’ll make the Mended Hearts Division the best-run division in Santa Claus, Incorporated. You can get your assignment from Sapphire.” He looked down at the paperwork in front of him, effectively dismissing Jazz.
Jazz walked out of the room, closing the door softly behind him, restraining his temper until he could get someplace more private. He glanced at Kris’s assistant and scowled at the smirk on her lips.
“Oh, come on, Jazz,” Sapphire Goldstone said. “Lover-boy that you are, you could do this with both hands tied behind your back.” She tucked a strand of periwinkle-colored hair behind one pointed ear and held out a slim folder. “Your assignment, should you decide to accept it…”
When his scowl deepened at her reference to a human television spy show and he refused to take the folder, she giggled and placed it back on the desk. “You Water Elementals, always so serious.” Standing, she sauntered over to him. His gaze skimmed up her long, slender legs, over her curvy hips up to her large breasts. She brought her hands up to cup those lovely mounds of flesh, her clear green eyes darkening as she pinched her nipples. “You should be more like us Earth Elementals, Jasper.”
“How’s that?” he asked, raising one brow. “Lusty? Flighty and flirty?”
“Oh, Jazz.” Her eyes went half-mast as her fingers on her nipples moved faster. “All Elementals are lusty. We all take our pleasure when we can, even Kris. Even you, lover. And if someone watches, well…” She moaned softly and shivered. Stopping in front of him, she moved her fingers to the buttons of her flimsy green blouse and began undoing them. “You want some help getting started on your assignment?” she asked.
Jazz kept his gaze fixed on her silken flesh as it appeared in the gap of her blouse. When she shrugged off the silky material, he immediately bent and pulled one stiff pink bud into his mouth, sucking hard. Her fingers wrapped in his hair and she moaned. He moved to the other breast and licked the hard tip, then sucked the entire areola between his lips.
He wasn’t even close to being done with her pretty breasts when she moved away. She waggled a finger at him. Cupping her breasts again, she said, “These are for inspiration only, lover.”
“And I’m inspired, ” he growled, reaching for her.
She danced out of his reach. “Behave, Jasper, or you won’t get what you need from me.”
Jazz braced his fists on his hips. Sapphire always liked to play before sex. He just wasn’t in the mood today.
“Oh, don’t pout,” she whispered. She rubbed her thumb over his lips, then dropped to her knees in front of him. Looking up from under her lashes, her tongue swept over her lush lips as she drew down his zipper with agonizing slowness. Reaching into the opening, she freed his cock and wrapped both hands around his growing length. “This is what I want.”
There wasn’t another elf in the North Pole who could suck a rod like Sapphire. Once she got going, the man attached to that hard piece of flesh didn’t have a chance.
When she pulled him into her throat and swallowed, he groaned, the sound coming from deep down in his gut. Then she swirled her tongue around the sensitive crown, lapping at him like a sexy little kitten. Her fingers danced over his taut balls, tugging and pulling in rhythm to her swirling tongue.
She took another deep draw on his cock, but before he could spurt, she gripped him tightly at the base of his shaft, stemming his release. With a smile, she pulled a red ribbon from her pocket and tied it around his cock, making a fancy multi-looped bow with the ends. Then she slid his still-hard decorated shaft back into his pants and pulled up the zipper. She patted his groin. “There. Now you’re ready to head off on your assignment.”
Copyright ©2006 Sherrill Quinn. All Rights Reserved.
VGLDSW have determined the following about life:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "Woohoo!! What a ride!"
Love Romances just gave me terrific reviews on The Praetorians: Discovery and Dragon's Bane. Check 'em out:
Ms. Quinn’s willfully heated pen journeyed this reader into an exciting world of the Praetorians. Her alpha male characters are delicious and highly aggressive. Their hungers and passions will envelope your senses, creating heated moments while you live within their domain. The carnal wordplay is truly arousing and hot! Ms. Quinn knows how to procure the perfect blend of story and sex, which kept this reader glued to the pages.
Catriona is just too nosy for her own good. And to top it off, her sexual attraction to the highly magnetic Max Didion is creating havoc for her. Being in the same room can cause her body to weep with need. When things get twisted involving the disappearance of a renowned scientist, she will have to trust her own animalistic instinct. Things between her and Max will heat up to a blistering climax, literally! What goes on between these two will have you panting and hungering for more.
If you love alpha-type men that roar their pleasure without reserve, taking what they desire, then you do not want to pass up this book! THE PRAETORIANS: DISCOVERY by Ms. Quinn. This reviewer loved every word! (Janalee, Love Romances and More)
The Praetorians: Discovery - available now at New Concepts Publishing (read an excerpt or buy).
I came across this picture quite awhile ago, and remain intrigued by it:
Is this cool, or what?
And then there's body painting to make it look like the person has clothes on:
Her gloves and the upper half of her body is painted on.
Then there's this:
And I think this one's my favorite:
What do you think? Would you ever be brave enough to go out into the world wearing only paint?
"No matter what our achievements might be, we think well of ourselves only in rare moments. We need people to bear witness against our inner judge, who keeps book on our shortcomings and transgressions. We need people to convince us that we are not as bad as we think we are." ~Eric Hoffer
Disclaimer: This only works if you're a guy, or so the story goes...
"My name is Dave. I have a Golden Retriever & was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.
"A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
"I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
"I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
"Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.
"I thought that guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door."
All right. I'm pretty much resigned to the fact that on Thursday nights I'll be watching Stan Lee's Who Wants To Be A Superhero. It's just so much like a train wreck--horrified fascination keeps me parked in front of the TV.
First of all, let me say that I really love this guy, Major Victory:
Jan Springer is my guest author tomorrow at my Yahoogroup, Follow Your Passion. She'll be talking with my readers from 12-2 EST. She's my inspiration, the woman who started me down this path with a great online "how to write erorom" class last February. Here's just a sampling of some of her books:
Coming this October to Amber Heat (and isn't it a beautiful new cover?!?):
In the twenty-first century, genetic manipulations have turned entire generations of enhanced humans into outcasts from Earth. They go to whatever worlds they can find. Samantha Burton, a fire-starter, lands on planet New Chance and ends up in Nowhere, an isolated mining community, supporting herself as best she can on the streets. Trying to retrieve evidence (read here "steal") to prove that the mining process is deadly, she runs up against law enforcement officer Obsidian, another Enhanced human. His ability to form impenetrable body armor makes him nearly invincible. Can she trust him to help her? Or will he be llike the rest of the enforcers in the community--on the take and looking out for number one?
Obsidian shifted in his chair, making her realize she’d been staring at him while her thoughts churned. Sam was startled to see him staring right back at her, one dark eyebrow lifted as if to ask if she was done yet. She looked down and pushed the last piece of her bread around in the white sauce on her plate. But knowing he still watched her made her too nervous to finish eating.
She motioned to her server, who brought over her bill. Handing him some credit chips, she pushed back her chair and walked with quick strides toward the door. Once she was outside, she started down the street. Before she’d taken a dozen steps, a big hand grabbed her arm and pulled her into an alley. She found herself thrust against the wall, a brawny forearm across her collarbones, big fingers curling over her shoulder.
Sam gasped and looked up into the dark brown eyes of Obsidian.
“You wanna tell me why you’ve been shadowin’ me, little girl?” His gruff voice with its Cajun drawl rasped over her eardrums and set up tiny eruptions along her nerve endings. He was a handsome devil, with his sinful eyes and sexy, made-for-kissing mouth. But he was way out of her league.
“I’m not shadowing you,” she muttered, wiggling against his hold. At five-nine she could hardly be called little, but compared to his bulk and the fact he had nearly a foot of height on her, she supposed he might see her that way. Not that she appreciated it.
“Hmm. You’ve been here a lot lately.” He tightened his fingers on her shoulder and she stilled, looking up at his hard face. Suspicion glittered in his eyes. “You want me to believe you just had a hankerin’ for good French cuisine?”
“It’s an affordable place, on some of the items.” In her experience, when all else failed, you tried to brazen your way out. “But, wow. I’m impressed you can pronounce a word like cuisine, let alone that you know what it means.” She raised her eyebrows, trying to appear astonished.
His eyes narrowed and she bit her lip against a grin. Score one for Sam.
“Maybe there’s more to you than meets the eye, hmm?” he asked, leaning over her, bringing his face within inches of hers. His breath smelled of spice and wine, and she caught an underlying scent of musky cologne on his skin. That smell and the heat from his big body made her weak in the knees. “You seem well-educated for a smartass street rat.” His lips tilted in a sardonic half-smile.
Her urge to grin faded. All right, score one for the muscle-bound security guy.
If she could get out from under his arm, she could blast him with fire, forcing him to activate his enhancement—skin that transformed into body armor, impenetrable and black as night. Hence, his nickname. Obsidian. But when he was in full Obsidian mode, he was bulky, slow. She could easily outrun him. And she would, first chance she got. Just as soon as she took another whiff of him.
“Trey!” A man from the street leaned around the corner of the building. Sam turned her head the same time Obsidian did to see a short, broad figure in the light of the streetlamp. “What’re you doing, ami?” The same Cajun accent as Obsidian’s colored the man’s voice. “You don’t need no whore. Come on, your food’s gettin’ cold.”
Sam stiffened. Since she’d left Earth, she’d done a lot of things she wasn’t very proud of in order to survive, but she hadn’t resorted to selling her body. Not yet. Not ever, she hoped.
“Settle down, little girl,” the big guy murmured. To his friend, he called, “I’ll be right back, André.” He waited until the other man walked out of sight, then his face turned back toward hers and, almost as if in slow motion, he leaned over her so closely their noses nearly touched. His free hand came up and cool fingers skimmed her cheek, curled around her jaw. “I think there is more to you than meets the eye, cher,” he murmured. With an intense gaze, he searched her face, scrutinizing her features.
“You do?” What an inane response, she thought, but his touch distracted her, tightened her insides, made her want to touch him back and run away all at the same time.
“Mmm.” His thumb rubbed lightly over the corner of her mouth, then slipped along her lower lip. When her mouth opened, he covered it with his own. He nibbled at her lips, lightly sucking, drinking down her sigh. His caress was light, as if he touched something fragile.
Sam had never been touched with such care before, wouldn’t have expected it from a tough guy like Obsidian. She wondered if he would touch the rest of her body the same way. Even as her toes curled at the thought, she pushed at his shoulders. What the hell was wrong with her? He was über-elite on this world; she was nothing. He and his kind were superheroes here.
Well, as close to superheroes as a bass-ackward planet like New Chance was likely to get.
Copyright ©2006 Sherrill Quinn. All Rights Reserved.
From Kerin at TwoLips Reviews:
"The humor in this book made Dragon’s Bane irresistibly charming. There seems to be no limit to the fantastic talent of Sherrill Quinn."
What? Can there be such a thing as a wonderful rejection?
Absolutely.
Here's the background: Last year I entered a novella-length story in the On The Far Side contest for unpublished authors (of which I was one at the time), sponsored by the Futuristic, Fantasy & Paranormal Special Interest Chapter of RWA. I placed first in the erotic romance category, and Kate Duffy at Kensington requested the full manuscript.
November 15th saw that baby go out in the mail. And I waited. And waited.
And waited. (Which is typical for NY houses. They get inundated with so many manuscripts and queries... I imagine some days you can hardly walk into an editor's office, there are so many stacks.)
On Friday, I received an SASE in the mail, and I knew it was from them. (Primarily because it had a 37-cent stamp on the envelope, instead of the current postage of 39 cents.) And I knew it was a rejection. (You know how that goes. I would've gotten a phone call (probably) had they been interested in publishing it.) The letter inside was from Ms. Duffy's Assistant Editor, Sulay Hernandez. And here's what it said, in part:
"You have a great sense of humor and some scorching love scenes, but the story that frames them just feels somewhat sparse and not as well developed as I think you could potentially make it... I hope you consider my suggestions and then delve deeper into this story because I'd love to have Kensington revisit this. Please also send any other material that you may have. I look forward to seeing your work..."
Ho-ly Hannah! Now, this is the kind of rejection I am thrilled to receive. LOL And you bet your bippy I'm going to be reworking and resubmitting this story.
"When the world says, 'Give up,' Hope whispers, 'Try it one more time.'"~Author Unknown
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
Well, I just had to do it. I had to watch the show again last night. (I still think they should have chosen the guy with the flappy ass as one of the superheroes. I guess you had to have seen it, but boy, he had what he called, in his own words, "ass-wings".)
Somebody stop me. I think I need an intervention. Especially since I've been paying close enough attention to notice that the Iron Enforcer's pectoral muscles are lopsided. (Well, heck, throw a muscled, shirtless guy in front of me and what do you expect?)
Oy. (Here's my question: Just the fact that these people are looking for their 15 minutes of fame... doesn't that sort of disqualify them from being superheroes? I mean, aren't the true superheroes those who answer the call reluctantly?)
Spoiler Alert: If you don't want to know what happened, stop here.
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~
~
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Fat Momma was asked if she really thought a fat superhero is an appropriate role model for children. Her response: "Absolutely, or I wouldn't be here."
Major Victory was asked if he thought a male stripper was a good role model for kids. His response was that he's learned from his mistakes and that kids should know what he did was wrong.
The Iron Enforcer appears to be on steriods, and he thought as long as they were used for a good purpose, that's okay. And there was an issue with his deoderant, or lack thereof. Plus, he thinks he's the best looking one of the group and the one with the least problems. Ego much?
Last night's first challenge: A little old lady locked herself out of her house. All the heroes had to do was go over the fence, through the backyard and touch the back door. Of course, there were two rabid guard dogs they had to get past first. (They put them in those padded suits for protection. And, of course, they had a disclaimer for people not to try this anytime, anywhere, etc. etc. Because people can be inherently s-t-u-p-i-d.)
Big old loppy-pec made it within a foot of the back door and cried uncle. Fat Momma made sure she took a bite of a donut before she started on her way, made me laugh. I guess she hoped the dogs would go after the donut, but apparently they prefer dark meat. *G* Major Victory pretty much walked the whole way to the back door with the two dogs hanging from each arm. When he reached the door and the dogs left, he had one question. "How's my hair?" Monkey Woman was determined. It took her almost 10 minutes to get to the door, but she did it. What a woman.
After this challenge, Cell Phone Girl was asked to leave. She'd pleaded a headache and lasted 4 seconds once the dogs latched onto her.
The second challenge was disguised as a costume makeover. Tyveculus lied about liking his costume. *gasp* A superhero lying? Say it isn't so! Then, Feedback made fun of him and his new costume--come on, folks. When's the last time you heard Superman make fun of someone? And the Iron Enforcer, on the chopping block for the third time, was there because Stan Lee couldn't get past the big-ass gun on IE's arm. As Stan said, superheroes don't kill people, they help people. Who got eliminated?
Iron Enforcer. Wahoo! The guy's so full of himself. There's more to being a superhero than having brawny muscles. He was mad at being thrown out. "You think fat woman is a superhero? You must be kidding me." But Stan Lee had something up his sleeve. The Iron Enforcer is now not a superhero but, as the Dark Enforcer, he's a supervillain who's going to do his best to make his former compatriots' lives miserable.
Another hour of my life down the tubes. What about this show is so ... I can't even call it appealing. What's the word? Mind numbing?
And I suppose I'll be right back here same time next week...
Oy.
"We have fallen in love with our own image, with images of our making, which turn out to be images of ourselves." ~Daniel J. Boorstin
For the second month in a row, my vampire sci-fi, The Claiming, was #2 on the Bestseller list at Amber Heat!
Woot! Woot!
To celebrate, I'm gonna just sit here and drool over this guy...
You can join me, if you want.
"This would be a good thing for them to put on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment." ~Dorothy Parker
A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in awhile a $20 bill flies out of the bag onto the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her.
"Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Dang!" says the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can still find them. Thanks for the warning."
"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no," the little old lady says. "You see, my back yard is next to the parking lot of the football stadium. Every time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds. So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little winkie through the bushes, I say, $20 or off it comes!"
"Hey, not a bad idea!" The cop laughs. "Okay, good luck. By the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well," says the little old lady, "some of them don't believe me."
"When you're a penis, you're bald your entire life and you have a hole in your head. You live between two nuts and an asshole lives behind you. Finally, when you get excited, you throw up and then you faint." ~Unknown
