What Makes A Hero?
I just saw an ad on TV for the show "Wanted." The actor Gary Coleman stood there, looking tough and somber, interspersed with scenes of action while he did a voice-over that went something like this:
"I hunt criminals for a living. Some people call me a hero. But it's the people I love who pay the price."
If a man is so wrapped up in his job, whatever it may be, that he loses his family--can he really be a hero? Or does that just make him a tormented hero? A man who does what he does because it's who he is... and he has to be true to himself?
I'm asking because I'm torn on this one. Does putting other people's welfare ahead of your own family's tarnish the shining armor and make the hero more real, more vulnerable, or just a jerk who needs to prioritize?
8 comments:
God damn a selfish hero bugs me. Reminds me of those heroes in certain books who expect the heroine to change but he's perfect and doesn't need to change...or grow at the end.
Yeah, he can be selfish but he better redeem himself. Big time. And not at the end. He better start changing at the halfway point or I'm going to be growling at the end.
Am I supposed to believe that at the end he's all of a sudden a good man if I had seen the gradual change? Then I start to wonder about the heroine because if she's with this guy she's beyond TSTL. She's TSTB - too stupid to breathe. Who wants a completely selfish guy?
Oh yeah, there better be good tips throughout the story that he's changing.
As much as I love A Christmas Carol I always hate that Scrooge transforms so magically. You're telling me that a cantakerous, penny pinching SOB changed overnight? Do I have idiot stamped on my forehead? (don't answer that)
Blood, sweat and tears. That's what he has too go through in order to be redeemed in my eyes. He better s-u-f-f-e-r. A lot.
I know it's hard to keep a healthy balance between work and family. How many workaholics are there working 60+ hour weeks? (My ex-boss, for example, pretty much worked 14 hour days 5 days a week, plus put in another 10-15 hours on the weekend. That's 80-95 hours per week. Needless to say, he's on his second marriage (and, of course, he makes his first wife sound like a real bee-atch). He has one child, a daughter, who's in third grade now, I think. She's a prima dona princess who's gonna be a royal terror when she hits her teens. Anyway, he's more likely to be a villain in one of my stories than a hero. :)
But there has to be a point where the hero draws the proverbial line in the sand and says "I will not cross this." I'm with you, Kate. If this kind of guy were to be a hero in a romance, he'd already have to have experienced the loss of his wife and/or family and realized--too late--what his job had cost him. What he'd let his job cost him. And grow and change because of that realization.
The guy's a jerk.
His family and their safety should be top priority for a hero. He can't leave them dangling out there for any villian to come along and harm.
Look at James Paterson's Alex Cross. If ever a hero should hold a grudge it's Alex. Throughout any of his stories Alex is talking about his children and the grandmother who lives with them all. He not only tells his love but shows it in every interaction with his family.
Coleman's character seems too self-absorbed for my taste.
Its funny, because a girlfriend of mine was just talking about this show yesterday and how good it is.
I agree, if this guy is a romance hero, then he's going to realize that his job is causing problems. Maybe not at the beginning of the book, but as the book progress, he will change and grow and come to realize what he's doing. (Especially after the heroine points it out.)
Do I think the Gary Cole character is selfish? No, I don't. Based on his words he realizes what his job has cost him. Now its up to him to change it.
Nancy
Well, I've never seen the show so I don't know how the Coleman character interacts with his family. It was just the commercial that got me thinking about this. How many books (and TV shows) show cops as the main heroes who are so totally into their jobs that everything else falls by the wayside? They've got that obsessive-compulsive thing going on without any balance. The tortured hero? Or the klunk without a clue?
Well, especially since we write EroRom, there'd better be some nailing of the ass to the bed! LOL
I want to toss in an opinion from the guy's POV. We're raised to compete, to go the distance, to let nothing stand in the way of WINNING all the gold, all the glory, all the accolades. It's the way our society is set up, to create worker bees whose sole driving obsession is to work more, harder, longer, in order to climb the ladder.
So Gary Coleman's merely portraying the norm. Sad. I think a lot of the angst and soul-searching going on in American men is over the realization that there's a loss of Love. And Love is the only thing that lasts. All the money goes, sooner or later. Usually sooner, but always in the end. Love lasts. Love carries over into whatever we see as death. Love is the only reason.
So if the hero's NOT paying attention to his relationship, his heroine, and devoting all his time to the job, then he's gonna lose it all. He MUST come to grips with this and turn away from Hyper-Dedication To Work and learn to love his family, if he still has one, more than he loves work.
The police are the ones our society holds up as being heroes. The police are shown as being so dedicated they place life and limb of others before their own family's safety. That's why there are so damn many dysfunctional police officers, or former police officers.
It's not so much the damage a man does to himself, it's far more a loss for the damage the man does to his family and his children. He teaches them to ignore family values and to go for the money above all else, when he should be teaching Love. A woman can't do it by herself. It takes two.
So if you set it up that he's gonna get way too deep into the job, then you gotta show that he's lost the family, then he has to have the crash where he realizes what he's lost, and starts out to either repair or build anew.
Problem is, with children you don't get a second chance.
Sorry for the bloody pulpit, but this is one of my hot buttons.
Forrest
I appreciate the guy's point of view, Forrest. There is something very heroic about a man who puts his all on the line day in and day out, yet that leaves nothing for him and/or the woman who loves him. We are our own worst enemy, I guess. Women love the bad boys, the idea of the Alpha men who are strong and tough, yet in real life we'd want to kick the snot out of a man like that. :)
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