I saw this on one of my author loops and thought I'd share it here. It's danged funny!
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice in reviving her husband's libido.
"What about trying Viagra?" asked the doctor.
"Not a chance," she said. "He won't even take an aspirin."
"Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Give him an 'Irish Viagra'. It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."
It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!"
"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.
"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his trousers a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"
"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor. "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?"
"'Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!"
It's finally Friday! And it's a Leap Year Friday! Make sure your's is a good one!
Friday, February 29, 2008
I saw this on one of my author loops and thought I'd share it here. It's danged funny!
Thursday, February 28, 2008
When Callie is sent into the wizarding stronghold to steal the wizard's binding stone, she enters a world she doesn't understand. Stumbling into the arms of Raine, she learns that she is his connection to a powerful magic and is bound to him for life.
Raine, once the most powerful of the Warren's wizards, lost his magic years ago. He must learn to trust Callie, not only with the secrets of the Warren, but with his heart. Each passing moment makes the flare of passion between them burn higher as the control over his magic returns.
When an old enemy threatens a member of the Warren, Raine must overcome his fears and trust Callie not only to save a friend, but to return the love he wants to give.
Read an excerpt or buy.
Mused by Sherrill Quinn at 8:29 AM
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Book 6 in the award-winning Dragon's Heir series:
Cal is everything Kevan wants--or at least everything he thinks he wants. But as the crown prince of the dragon kingdom, Kevan is expected to marry and carry on the royal line. When Kevan brings the handsome young human back to Djarera, Melgara, the queen, orders him to keep Cal a secret--after all, what sane dragon would be willing to share her husband's affection with a human male?
In love with Kevan since she was nine years old, Melina Westron is determined to win the prince's trust--especially when she discovers the secret he's hiding is a man every bit as delicious as Kevan himself! Even better, she's delighted to find that the way to a dragon's heart... is through his lover.
Read an excerpt or buy.
Mused by Sherrill Quinn at 5:37 AM
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Saturday, February 23, 2008
To recount my stats for the week:
Saturday 2/16 - 20 pages
Sunday 2/17 - 14 pages
Monday 2/18 - 16 pages
Tuesday 2/19 - 5 pages
Wednesday 2/20 - 18 pages
Thursday 2/21 - 2 pages
Friday 2/22 - 15 pages
Total = 90 pages
Wooooeeeee! What a week!
My local RWA chapter is having an all-day workshop today with Laura Baker. I'm hoping to glean quite a bit to help me with the follow-up book to Beyond the Beast (about which, hopefully, I'll have news that I can share with you soon).
Have a good weekend, y'all!
Mused by Sherrill Quinn at 5:41 AM
Friday, February 22, 2008
Isabelle de Harvington wants only peace and happiness, and thinks a musician in her father's employ can provide it. But 13th century politics intrude, and Isabelle finds herself wed to the one man in Christendom she least desires — Gruffydd ap Hywel, the man who witnessed the most embarrassing moment of her life six years earlier. Being forced to marry him is bad enough; being forced to live in Wales is worse.
Gruffydd made a blood oath to devote his life to others, and loneliness is a price he's willing to pay. As the Black Dragon he spends his nights fighting, protecting his people from criminals and enemy invaders, ignoring the pain he thinks he deserves. But Isabelle's presence in his life forces him to confront his past and to see himself through the eyes of someone who doesn't think he's so unworthy after all.
Now he must choose between the promises he made and the wife he so desperately wants to claim — and Isabelle must fight to discover if love can defeat the fiercest dragon.
To read an excerpt or buy, go here.
Mused by Sherrill Quinn at 5:34 AM
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Today is Day 6 of my local RWA chapter's Book In A Week (BIAW) challenge. Here are my stats so far:
Saturday 2/16 - 20 pages
Sunday 2/17 - 14 pages
Monday 2/18 - 16 pages
Tuesday 2/19 - 5 pages
Wednesday 2/20 - 18 pages
The good news is I've finished the first draft of Heart of the Wolf and am already a quarter of the way through my dragon shape shifter story, which I'm tentatively titling Dragonheat.
My total thus far for this current BIAW is 73 pages. I hope to at least reach 100 by Friday at midnight. Wish me luck!
Mused by Sherrill Quinn at 12:43 AM
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Okay, the tally for my first three days of my local RWA Chapter's BIAW:
Saturday: 20 pages
Sunday: 14 pages
Monday: 16 pages
For me to make my goal of 140 pages this week, I need to make up 10 pages today. Oy. We'll see how that goes.
On a side but related note, I did finish the first draft of Heart of the Wolf (my take on the Little Red Riding Hood fairy tale). The rough draft is just under 44,000, which is 6,000 words less than I had planned. Unless I add in a completely new scene, I think this story is going to be at or around 45,000 when finished. And I guess that's okay. :)
I have started my dragon shifter novella, writing 3 pages on it yesterday. Here's hoping today is as productive--or, actually, more productive--than the last couple of days, and they were pretty productive! *G*
Mused by Sherrill Quinn at 6:04 AM
Monday, February 18, 2008
Saturday, February 16, 2008
The week before my local RWA chapter meeting we always do a Book In A Week (BIAW) challenge. The last several months I have participated but the week before the meeting seems to always be my least productive week--even though early in the year last year I routinely was the top-page winner. The winner most recently has been turning out over 70 pages in this one week.
Well, watch out! I have a novel (45-50k words) that I need to finish today, and I still have 12-17k to go. Plus tomorrow I need to plot and start writing another dragon shifter novella for Amber Heat--I'm thinking it'll be about 25k and so I *could* have it done in about 2-3 weeks. I'm shooting for 140 pages this week. Oy.
But I need to get all this done this fast because I have to start writing the sequel to Beyond the Beast that my agent has been trolling out. (I'll have more news on that later.) The deadline for that is August 1. Which is only 5 months away.
So, batton down the hatches. I have two gallons of iced tea ready and I'm ready, too. :)
On a side note, my blog has reached 50,000 visitors! Woohoo!!
Mused by Sherrill Quinn at 7:16 AM
Friday, February 15, 2008
A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. The woman later gave birth to three healthy babies--two daughters and a son.
All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears.
"What's wrong?" asked the mother.
"I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter.
The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago.
About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. "Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out." Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.
A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay," said the mom, "I know what happened. You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."
"No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and accidentally shot the dog."
Have a great Friday!
Mused by Sherrill Quinn at 7:20 AM
Thursday, February 14, 2008
I ran across an interesting article the other day. Doubly interesting to me because my current work in progress, Heart of the Wolf, is a retelling of the Little Red Riding Hood fairy tale. (And trust me. This ain't your grandma's fairy tale!)
Well, it seems that scientists have conducted research/tests to show how light waves can be bent around an object to make it appear invisible. Other scientists have taken that data and now have announced that it is theoretically possible to do the same thing with sound.
They established that it's possible to create a material that bends sound waves around walls, pillars or any enclosed space. The sound waves would emerge as if nothing had been in their way. For example, someone talking in the bedroom would be clearly heard by someone standing in the living room as if no walls had been there.
A side effect: Any sounds generated within that enclosed area (the area surrounded by the material bending the sound waves) would never escape. So if Ariel had been surrounded by a transparent sound shield (not a curse), she would in essence be voiceless.
Kinda makes you go hmmm, don't it?
And...happy Valentine's Day!
Mused by Sherrill Quinn at 5:39 AM
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Today's a double post day.
First, my erotic fantasy romance Quickie, Jewel of Apthgar, releases today at Ellora's Cave!
Rahziya Sanura, princess of Gar, and Callum Hefeydd, prince of Apth--two people in love but separated by feuding kingdoms. Their one hope for unification--both for themselves and their countries--is the legendary Jewel of Apthgar, a 6-inch long amethyst said to have come from the great god Apthgar's sword. Sent by their respective fathers to retrieve the gem, they must first defeat the dragon guarding it.
Will the Jewel provide the means for them to be together, or will it drive them apart?
Rahziya stared at her father and tried unsuccessfully to tamp down the rising anticipation that tightened her stomach and made her heart thump faster. Her father… Was he finally taking an interest in her? Seeing her as a person of value rather than the infant who killed his beloved wife in childbirth?
“My scouts believe they have located the Jewel of Apthgar,” he went on, releasing her elbow and continuing on to his throne. With a flourish, he swept his crimson robe out of the way and sat down. “In order to be a strong leader, all Garan heirs to the throne must perform a feat of great bravery before they may rule. As my only heir—” His jaw tightened and she saw the familiar disappointment in his eyes. She tried not to react to it, though it hurt, as always.
Her father cleared his throat. “As my only heir, I want you to retrieve the Jewel. It will do much to solidify your reputation as a worthy successor in the eyes of the citizenry.”
Rahziya’s eyes went wide. The Jewel of Apthgar! An artifact treasured most highly by the Garans, as well as their political enemies, the people of the Kingdom of Apth. Said to be an amethyst taken from the hilt of the great god Apthgar’s mighty sword, it was purported to have been used in unifying ceremonies exclusive to the nobility.
That was the story, anyway. The Jewel had been lost for four hundred years. No one knew what it looked like—at least, if they did, no one had ever told her. But it was said to be around six mahtongs long, roughly two-thirds the length of her forearm, and carved from one solid piece of amethyst.
“If we know where it is,” her father said, standing to pace in a circle in front of his throne, “then you can be sure that that bastard knows as well.”
That bastard—meaning the king of Apth. The father of Prince Callum.
Callum, the one man she was forbidden to have. The animosity their fathers felt toward each other was based solely upon the centuries-old feud between the two families that had divided Apthgar’s kingdom to begin with. If she and Callum were anything other than politely apathetic toward each other in public, it could plunge the two countries into war.
But because the Jewel was the one thing both peoples would rally behind, it was the one thing that would bind the two kingdoms together once again. And, too drunk on power and prestige, that was the one thing neither ruler wanted.
She did. And she knew Callum did. Perhaps peace would come with their generation.
“Are you listening to me?” The king strode to her and shook her shoulder. “I don’t want that bastard getting his hands on it. Idiot can’t even measure things right,” he muttered. His brows knotted as he went on about what he considered to be the useless intricacies of the Apthian system of measurement. An argument she’d heard since she was little as to why merging the two kingdoms would be impossible. His hand tightened on her shoulder, his grip bordering on pain. “Gods above. Not only did I not get a son, I ended up with a girl who’s always off in la-la land.”
Rahziya clenched her jaw against a tart rejoinder. This was her father, her only parent, and he was the king. He deserved her respect.
She despaired of ever receiving the same in return.
“Where is the Jewel?” she asked, easing away from his hold.
His gaze slid away from hers. He turned his back and walked toward his throne.
Her heart dropped into her stomach. That her father, usually so blunt and no-holds-barred in his approach to people—especially her—would instead be reluctant to impart information did not bode well for her.
Not looking at her, he gruffly cleared his throat. “It’s in Dearthrealm.”
Dearthrealm. Where the dragons lived.
“Protected by a fearsome wyvern that carries poison in the barb of its tail.”
She stared at him. “Well, you’re just full of good news, aren’t you?” she muttered under her breath. Of all the species of dragons, wyverns were the fiercest, protective of their entire territory, not just their hoards. One strike from that barbed tail brought about a horrible death, the victim transformed to liquid from the inside out.
Her father turned to face her, his brows drawn down. “What was that?”
Rahziya took a deep breath. “You want me to face this creature alone?”
“Don’t be daft.” He sat down on his throne. His face suggested he’d about used up his quota of patience with her. “You’ll be accompanied by a full complement of royal guardsmen.” He leaned to one side, resting his elbow on the padded arm of the oversized chair. “You surely aren’t afraid of this task I’m setting before you, are you, Ziya? After all, you’ve been telling me since you were a youngling that you’re as good as any son I might have had.”
Of everything she’d said to him over the years—most of which he’d ignored—trust him to remember that.
Copyright 2008 Sherrill Quinn. All Rights Reserved.
Jewel of Apthgar - available at Ellora's Cave.
Second, if you're here looking for Installment #21 of Faery Kisses, scroll on down.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
"Filled with just the right touch of danger, surprise and heated passion, To the Victor Go the Spoils will keep you reading as you devour the twists and turns of this delightful tale. Bane is much more than just muscle and hunter and he discovers that Devon is more than just a bounty. An engrossing tale from beginning to end, To the Victor Go the Spoils has more than one meaning - not only Bane but the reader gets the spoils with this tale by Sherrill Quinn."
You can read the full Review at ECataRomance.
TO THE VICTOR GO THE SPOILS, available now at Ellora's Cave!
Monday, February 11, 2008
Saturday, February 09, 2008
This has made the rounds on the Internet/email a few times, but since I referenced Man Rules #2 yesterday, I thought I'd post the first set of rules here today.
These are our rules: (Please note these are all numbered No 1, on purpose!)
1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don’t try to change that.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Saturday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport and NO, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want…let us be clear on this one:
- Subtle hints do not work
- Strong hints do not work
- Obvious hints do not work
- JUST SAY IT!
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want us to help solve it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that last 17 months is a problem. See a Doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you’re fat then you probably are. Don’t ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
- NOT BOTH
- If you already know best how to do it then just do it yourself.
1. Captain Cook did not require directions and neither do we.
1. All men see in only 16 colors--like Windows default settings.
- Peach, for example, is a fruit--not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
- We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing’ then we will act like nothing is the matter. We know you are lying but it’s just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, anything you wear is absolutely fine, really!
1. Don’t ask what we are thinking about unless you want to discuss such topics as
- Cars, or
1. You have too many shoes.
Mused by Sherrill Quinn at 6:53 AM
Friday, February 08, 2008
I came across a blog a while ago, Fallen Scorpio, that has one of the best "Men's Rules" lists I’ve seen yet. It's so good, in fact, that I'm sharing it with you here. (But, really, head over check out Scorpy's blog for yourself! He's pretty funny.)
Men's Rules II:
Any Man who brings a camera to a buck’s night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.
Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
- When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
- The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
- After wrecking your boss’ car.
- One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.
- When she is using her teeth.
If you’ve known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate’s fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate’s birthday is strictly optional.
On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.
You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.
It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a topless supermodel and it’s free.
Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.
Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.
Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend’s cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.
A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that’s just mean.
If you complement a bloke on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.
Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a mate of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.
Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
- Yeah, baby, push it!
- C’mon, give me one more! Harder!
- Another set and we can hit the showers!
Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
You cannot grass on a colleague who shows up at work with a massive hangover. You may however, hide the aspirin, smear his chair with cheese, turn the brightness dial all the way down so he thinks his monitor is broken, and have him paged over he loud speaker every seven minutes.
The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
Thou shalt not buy a car with an engine capacity of less than 1.5 litres. Thou shall not really buy a car with less than 1.8 litres, 16 valves, and a turbo.
Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets a Playstation 2.
You really should pay this guy’s blog a visit. You won’t be sorry you did.
And, just for more fun, listen to this:
Cracks me up every time!
Mused by Sherrill Quinn at 5:45 AM
Thursday, February 07, 2008
As I continue to read contest entries (see my original post here), I'm struck by a couple more things. First, as these are erotic romances (or supposed to be, anyway), sex is an integral part of the story. Or should be. But the sex has to be appropriate--not just thrown in because you're writing an erotic story. If you just throw it in, trust me, it's gonna come across that way.
I've read and judged six entries so far, and only one in my opinion had an original plot and writing that could be edited into a good story. The others had problems, some of which I've already addressed.
But here are a couple more things the aspiring (or even not-so-aspiring) author should keep in mind:
- It is not believable to have a plot where the hero and heroine (or the hero and hero, if it's a gay story) meet and immediately fall in love and are ready to spend the rest of their lives together. It's very difficult to write a story like that with two strangers, which is why if I'm writing something short (say, 13-15,000 words) I usually have the hero and heroine already know each other. The one exception was Choosing Madison, my contribution to Seasons of Seduction Volume 1 at Ellora's Cave. In that story I established at the beginning (before she'd even met the heroes--and yes, I meant that in the plural *G*) that the heroine is ready to have an adventure.
- Don't have one of your characters invite the hot guy she's just met to her home. No matter how good looking a guy is, I would never take him home with me after knowing him for only a couple of hours. That's not erotic, it's downright stupid and asking for serious trouble.
- If you introduce something horrible in your character's background, it had better move the plot forward or help the character's growth in some way. If it's just a "boo-hoo feel sorry for me" moment, then take it out.
- Make sure, if your story is about something that's popular (say, for example, your hero is a vampire), then make sure the story is original. Don't have your vampire be the owner of a night club or a cop or the local enclave leader. I'm even getting tired of reading stories where the vamp hero is searching for his mate. It's already been done. The last vampire story I wrote was The Claiming (available at Amber Heat), and the hero is from a planet of vampires (the planet is Nosfer, the people called Nosfera, and their royals are called Nosferatu). So, it's a little different. (The Claiming, by the way, was my 2006 entry into the Amber Heatwave contest and was a top ten best seller two quarters in a row. Being held to 15,000 words meant that my hero and heroine already knew each other and had, in fact, had a prior romantic relationship.)
- And above all, your voice has to be original and fresh. And how to do that is difficult to say. Maybe impossible. But with a fresh voice and a twist on an old idea, you can have a book that rocks.
Mused by Sherrill Quinn at 6:28 AM
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Just a reminder that Deliciously Naughty Writers is running a Valentine's contest:
Prizes are downloads of an ebook from each of the authors:
Cimmerian League: Revelations by Kelly Maher
Chasing Phoenix by Christine d'Abo
It Takes a Thief or Two by Sherrill Quinn
Love Fool by Anna J. Evans
Blood Will Tell by December Quinn
Absolute Power by Sierra Dafoe
Please visit our website for details! Enter before February 14th for your chance to win!
Monday, February 04, 2008
Saturday, February 02, 2008
I just came across this review for Phoenix Rising I, which has my story The Wolf of Cnoc Meadha.
"The Wolf of Cnoc Meadha shows that even the Fae are not always given a charmed wonderful life... I loved how Ms. Quinn showed that even in the fantasy realm many times the mothers still know what is best for their children. Connor and MacKenzie's trials through life only made them realize just how strong their love for each other was and to fight for it. The Wolf of Cnoc Meadha is a lighthearted read that I found to be a wonderful addition to this book."
THE WOLF OF CNOC MEADHA, part of Phoenix Rising I, available now in print and download at New Concepts Publishing!
You can read the entire review at Joyfully Reviewed.
Read an excerpt or buy.
Friday, February 01, 2008
After a few more minor tweaks, Beyond the Beast is finally going to get into the hands of a few publishers. My agent Susan is ready to send it off to four NY editors to begin with.
What a process this has been so far. I sent the initial query in September 2006, upon request sent a partial in October 2006, and upon request sent the full manuscript in March of 2007. About a month later the agent responded that she'd like to represent me. Then it was back and forth with revisions (and I'll admit as painful as it was, her suggestions made the book better) until finally, yesterday, she indicated it was almost ready to go. She just wanted to see a few more very minor changes, changes which took me about ten minutes to do.
The final manuscript went out to her this morning.
Keep your fingers crossed. I may be (figuratively) headed for New York!