Saturday, February 09, 2008

Man Rules #1

This has made the rounds on the Internet/email a few times, but since I referenced Man Rules #2 yesterday, I thought I'd post the first set of rules here today.

These are our rules: (Please note these are all numbered No 1, on purpose!)
1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don’t try to change that.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Saturday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport and NO, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want…let us be clear on this one:

  • Subtle hints do not work
  • Strong hints do not work
  • Obvious hints do not work
1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want us to help solve it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that last 17 months is a problem. See a Doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you’re fat then you probably are. Don’t ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
  • If you already know best how to do it then just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Captain Cook did not require directions and neither do we.
1. All men see in only 16 colors--like Windows default settings.
  • Peach, for example, is a fruit--not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
  • We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches we will scratch it. That's what we do.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing’ then we will act like nothing is the matter. We know you are lying but it’s just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, anything you wear is absolutely fine, really!
1. Don’t ask what we are thinking about unless you want to discuss such topics as
  • Sex,
  • Cars, or
  • Sports
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.


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