Friday Funny

Too Old to Trick Or Treat?


You know you're too old to trick or treat when:

• You get winded from knocking on the door.
• You have to have someone else chew the candy for you.
• You ask for high fiber candy only.
• When someone drops a candy bar in your bag you lose your balance and fall over.
• People say "Great Boris Karloff mask!" and you're not wearing one.
• When the door opens you yell "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.
• By the end of the night you have a bag full of restraining orders.
• You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
• You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

And the number one reason Seniors should not go trick or treating:

• You have to keep going home to pee.

Sherlock Holmes

I've been reading books and watching movies/shows about Sherlock Holmes since I was a teenager. Take my word for it, it's been a long time. (When you can start counting time in decades, you know you're getting old...) My all-time favorite is the pairing of Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce, though Bruce did play Watson as much more of a bumbler than Conan Doyle wrote him.

The latest version is from the BBC and stars Benedict Cumberbatch as Holmes and Martin Freeman as John Watson, and it is brilliant! It has been updated for modern audiences, set in present day with Holmes using texting to communicate with journalists (and the killer!) and Watson blogging instead of writing in a journal.

Holmes's intellect and obvious glee over crime scenes has put off the police--Lestrade only calls him in when he's desperate, and not really because he wants to. Watson is home from the war in Afghanistan (eerily a mirror of the original Watson, who also saw action in Afghanistan). The pairing is, well, brilliant!

I can't wait for the next episode!

Man Meat Monday

I really like the perks this sauna has...

Friday Funny

You can't help but laugh!

Saturday's RWA Meeting

This Saturday, my local RWA chapter is hosting two incredible women who happen to be incredible speakers as well. In the morning, Maya Reynolds is coming up from the grand state of Texas to speak to us about the good, the bad and the ugly in the publishing world. I'm hoping she'll be able to clear up some confusion that some members have regarding self publishing and vanity publishing, as well as talk about the pros and cons of epublishing and print publishing. Our afternoon speaker is Connie Flynn, a veteran author and educator from Phoenix who's going to speak on Beginnings, Middles and Ends.

If you're in Arizona, I promise it's a day you don't want to miss! You can read more about it at Saguaro Romance Writers website.

Man Meat Monday

Seeing as how I didn't sleep at all last night, I have a bedtime theme this morning...

*yawn*

Friday Funny

Baptizing a Drunk

A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. The drunk walks into the water and bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

"Yes I am," replies the drunk, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother have you found Jesus?"

The drunk replies, "No, I haven't."

The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time. He pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus, my brother?"

The drunk again answers, "No, I have not found Jesus."

By this time the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the water again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.

When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up. The preacher asks the drunk again, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

Today's Publishing Industry

Things are changing, I think everyone can agree with that. Ebooks are becoming more and more popular and may eventually mean that books won't be available in print format. For now, readers have a choice. But editors, agents and writers can all agree that that may not always be the case. Even now the retail brick and mortar stores are in crisis, unable to compete with Amazon and WalMart.

For authors the key is, as always, to write consistently and to write the best book you can write. You need ways to connect to readers, so you need to be savvy about marketing, because soon the best way to get books into the hands of readers will be common knowledge.

• Make use of social media to spread the word about your product.
• Strive for national publicity by using all methods in your other areas of expertise.
• Stay in touch with review sites that are doing good reviews and have a global reach. Use them.

I've said it before: Writing the book is only part of the author's job. There's a whole lot more work to do afterward.

Man Meat Monday

This looks like an invitation to me...

Friday Funny

Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.

So if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.

Publishing...The More Things Change...

...the more they stay the same. Today I'm being lazy and am going to point you to a recent post of Joe Konrath's regarding ebooks. It's an interesting--and humorous--look at how the Big 6 NY publishers are handling electronic publishing.

Man Meat Monday

Washboard abs, but look at those eyes...!

Friday Funny

More Paraprosdokian sentences (a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part):

Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said"Implants?"

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.