Saturday, November 01, 2008


Got this from my Uncle O in an email--while it's not something he did, I can very well see him doing something like this...

Yesterday I was at my local WalMart store buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Peaches, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet. And that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. WalMart won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

-- Thomas D. Blackwell, Jr.


Colleen Love said...

No matter how many times I see this, it is still funny!! LMAO!

Thanks, Sherrill!


Sherrill Quinn said...

I just wish I thought this fast on my feet, Colleen. The best I can do is think "Here's your sign", a rip-off of Bill Engvall. LOL

Colleen Love said...

LOL I love Bill Engvall! LOL He is a staple in our house!