Friday Funny

A cabbie picks up a Nun.

She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.

He replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"

"OK," the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

HAPPY HALLOWEEN !!!

My Dragons Are Doing Well, Thank You

DRAGONHEAT was the #1 best seller in September and the #5 best seller overall in the third quarter at Amber Heat.



DRAGONFIRE, it's prequel, had new life breathed into it and picked up the #9 best seller slot for September.


Thanks to everyone who purchased them!

Tipsy Tuesday

Show, don't tell. If I had a nickle for every time I've heard those three words... Well, I wouldn't be rich, but I'd have more money.

There are many ways to show your reader what's happening (versus telling her via exposition). Sometimes exposition is necessary, but sometimes it isn't.

For example:

I saw the look on my husband's face and waited for the explosion.
"Are you kidding me?" he asked, his face turning beet-red. "What was she thinking?"
There was the problem. Our oldest daughter seldom thought before she acted. It was almost as if she had an allergy to common sense. "She didn't mean any harm," I defended.
"She never means any harm." He shook his head. He loved the girl, I knew, and was as deeply frustrated by her actions as he was baffled.


Now, how about something like this:

"Now, Charlie, don't get mad."
"Are you kidding me?" His face turned beet-red. "What was she thinking?"
"Well, that's the problem. She doesn't think." I shrugged. "It's like she's allergic to common sense. But she didn't mean any harm."
"She never means any harm." He shook his head. "I love her, but by God she frustrates me. I just don't get it."

See the difference? Sometimes it's just a little thing, but it can get across the same information by showing, not telling.

Man Meat Monday

Are words even needed?

I don't think so!

(Thanks to Colleen Love for the pic!)

Friday Funny

How to be cruel to old guys:

AARP Eye Chart

The Maverick and the Maiden

This is just so disturbing on so many levels...

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Tipsy Tuesday

By the very nature of the calling, fiction writers are liars. A good fiction writer, therefore, must be a good liar. Specific, concrete details in a story, as every good liar knows, is what's needed to persuade your mark (or your reader) that what you're telling them is the God's truth. If you provide your reader with a variety of sensory details and let them draw their own conclusions, they will be participants in your story and not merely observers.

And then you'll have 'em. Janet Burroway in her book Writing Fiction calls this significant detail. Significant detail is the sort of detail that means both what it says and also more than what it says.

If you want to write fiction, you not only have to mean what you write, but mean more than you write.

Man Meat Monday

Sometimes the view from behind is just as lovely...

Friday Funny

Back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it.

They failed and it closed.

Now we are trusting the economy of our country to a pack of nit-wits who couldn't make money running a whore house and selling booze?


This is exactly what I'm talking about...

The Mustang Ranch is back in private hands and open for business once again.

For those Gentle Readers who may be less-worldly than others, the Mustang Ranch was, at one time, the largest brothel in Nevada as well as being the first licensed bordello in that State.

However, while interesting, this is not the part of it's history that is really fascinating. What we're interested in is this little tid-bit buried way down in the article: after several years of tax shenanigans by the owner, the Mustang Ranch became the first (Official. Licensed.) brothel run by the United States Federal Government.

They lost money.........LOST MONEY!

Let us allow that simple, yet profound, truth sink into our synapses, shall we?

The Federal Government of the United States can not run a bordello and make money.

One cathouse. Just one. Not "one in every state". Not "one whether you think you need it or not". Just one single legal bawdy-house with an already-established customer base.

And they couldn't keep it out of the red.

Now, this is just my opinion, but if your money-handling skills are so poor that you can't even make a profit selling sex, then you have absolutely no business getting involved in more complicated financial areas.

In other words, if "Slam, bam, thank you ma'am, here's a hundred bucks" is too complicated for you to make a profit, then you might just want to keep your meat- hooks out of, say -- health care.

So, the next time some bright-eyed little bit starts chanting about "Universal Health Care", I'm going to loudly and firmly opine that until the Federal Government is capable of running a profitable brothel ... they've got no business trying to run my health care...

New Review for WICKED OMEN

"A dark, passionate story that enthralled me from the first page!"




"Wicked Omen took me on a passionate story through Sparta, thousands of years ago. Ms. Quinn brings the Sparta legends and battles to life with brilliant descriptions and fast paced action. Kalla is a strong and admirable woman who has known many hardships. She is now faced with the possible loss of her family and the fact that she has fallen in love with the enemy. Nikoloas is a dark, warrior vampire, with an unbelievably tender side that touched me to the core. I was deeply touched by each of these people and was hoping that all would turn out good for them. I will be looking for more from Sherrill Quinn and looking forward to reading more of her vampire romance!" (Melissa, ParaNormalRomance.org)

You can read the full review here.

Read an excerpt or buy here.

Tipsy Tuesday

Today's tip: You need to network. Just like in any other profession, it's important to establish relationships with people in your industry--other writers, editors and agents. Is it easy?

Hell, no. I remember the first meeting I went to of my local RWA chapter. I knew absolutely no one. Taking a deep breath, I told myself to put my HR hat on and pretend it was a business meet and greet, and do what I did at those. So I started walking up to strangers and introducing myself. (And that was very, very difficult, believe me!) After about the fourth person looked at me like I was a crazy person, I gave up and went to an empty table, put my stuff down and sat down, figuring I'd talk to whoever else decided to sit at my table. Thankfully, the group proved to be a very friendly, open one, and I've made a lot of friends in the three years between then and now.

I've also had opportunity to talk to senior editors (from Harlequin and Silhouette) and well-established authors (Vicki Lewis Thompson, Roz Denny Fox, Brenda Novak and others). It's been invaluable!

So, if there's a local writers group you can join, please do! And I hope your experience has been as good as mine!

Man Meat Monday

I have the day off work today and, while I should be working on my next book, this is what I want to be doing:


Although if this was in my bed, sleeping would probably be the last thing goin' on...

Friday Funny

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today."

The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me."

As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would like to buy you a drink, too."

The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water."

"Coming up," says the bartender.

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, "I'd like to buy you one, too."

The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water."

"Coming right up," the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink, he says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?"

The old woman replies, "Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue."

~ * ~

"OLD" IS WHEN...

Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one; I can't do both!"

Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police

"Getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today.

"Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

An "all nighter" means not getting up to use the bathroom.

AND

"OLD" IS WHEN...

You are not sure these are jokes!


LOL! Happy Friday!!

New Cover - ANGEL AND THE DUKE OF SEX

Here's my cover for my Victorian suspense novella:


I love the shadowy Jack the Ripper in the background! *shiver*

Tipsy Tuesday

Above all else, a writer is a storyteller. Once you have a firm handle on grammar/punctuation basics, it's up to you to write the story. One that will keep readers spellbound. It's a complicated mixture of plot, interesting main characters, setting, pacing and dialogue, as well as subplots and secondary characters.

And flowing beneath all of that is the writer's determination and instinct. You have a specific story to write, and you have to believe in it, in yourself, in your ability to write it. Then you have to rewrite it until all of the ingredients I mentioned above come together in the perfect mix.

Man Meat Monday

Slicker than a greased pig ...


And lots prettier, too!

Wow.

Friday Funny

I greatly fear I'm fast approaching the age where this kind of thing may become a problem...


An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."

The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"

The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns."

"Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

~ * ~

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're getting married?"

"Yep!"

"Do I know her?"

"Nope!"

"This woman, is she good looking?"

"Not really."

"Is she a good cook?"

"Naw, she can't cook too well!"

"Does she have lots of money?"

"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."

"Then why in the world do you want to marry here then?"

"Because she can still drive!"

~ * ~

Three old guys are out walking.

First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"

Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"

Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

~ * ~

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."

"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."

~ * ~

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm and a wide smile on his face. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'"




LOLLOL!

Have a great Friday!

Free For All

I really have nothing blindingly witty to say today. I have an early day at work, so I'm just gonna leave y'all this:


I love the lighting on this pic.

Yeah, that's it. The lighting...