Happy New Year

I'm taking the week off from the blog. See y'all on the flip side!

Have a safe and happy New Year!

Merry Christmas!

Friday Funny--A Day Early

Dementia Test

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question to test your perception, reasoning and the quickness of your logical processing. They are stated simply so you should try to answer them instantly. To assure the accuracy of the results, you should not take your time , but instead, answer each of them immediately... then move on to the next question.

Ready?


Let's find out just how clever you really are....


Question: You are a participant in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?








Answer : If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely WRONG! If you over take the second person and you take his place, YOU are in second place!


Try not to screw up next time. Now answer the second question, but don't take as much time as you took for the first question, OK?


Second Question : If you overtake the last person, then you are...?








Answer : If you answered that you are second to last, then you are.... WRONG again. Tell me, Sunshine, how can you overtake the LAST person??


You're not very good at this, are you?

Third Question: Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 Now add 30 . Add another 1000 . Now add 20 . Now add another 1000 . Now add 10 . What is the total?

Scroll down for the correct answer...






Did you get 5000?


The correct answer is actually 4100.

If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator! Today is definitely not your day, is it? Maybe you'll get the last question right... Maybe....


Fourth Question: Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2.. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono, and ??? What is the name of the fifth daughter?





Did you answer Nunu? NO! Of course it isn't. Her name is Mary, you retard! Read the question again!




Okay, now the bonus round, i.e., a final chance to redeem yourself:





A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?






It's really very simple. He opens his mouth and ask for it...



Does your employer actually pay you to think?? If so, do NOT let them see your answers for this test!

TIpsy Tuesday

Today's tip:


You can never have too many sexy Santas!

Man Meat Monday

Santa, baby!

Friday Funny

In the holiday spirit...

ONIONS & CHRISTMAS TREES

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?"

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs: in her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm. In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions."

"Onions?"

"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mom, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After 50, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes--the root's dead and the balls are just for decoration."




Ho-ho-ho!

Another Cutie

Look at this little guy:

Isn't he just too cute?!?

Tipsy Tuesday

Just one thought for today. It's a quote from Danse Macabre, a non-fiction book by Stephen King:

"I think that writers are made, not born or created out of dreams or childhood trauma--that becoming a writer (or a painter, actor, director, dancer, and so on) is a direct result of conscious will. Of course there has to be some talent involved, but talent is a dreadfully cheap commodity, cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work and study; a constant process of honing. Talent is a dull knife that will cut nothing unless it is wielded with great force--a force so great that the knife is not really cutting at all but bludgeoning and breaking (and after two or three of these gargantuan swipes it may succeed in breaking itself)... Discipline and constant work are the whetstones upon which the dull knife of talent is honed until it becomes sharp enough, hopefully, to cut through even the toughest meat and gristle. No writer, painter or actor--no artist--is ever handed a sharp knife (although a few people are handed almighty big ones; the name we give to the artist with the big knife is "genius"), and we hone with varying degrees of zeal and aptitude. I'm suggesting that, to be successful, the artist in any field has to be in the right place at the right time. The right time is in the lap of the gods, but any mother's son or daughter can work his/her way to the right place and wait."

Man Meat Monday

How about a hot Latino to get your week off to a good start?

Friday Funny

Wife from Hell


A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly, dear--you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WOULD YOU SHUT UP?!"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

(I love this part)

"Only when he's been drinking..."



LOL! Happy Friday!

Too Cute!

This little guy is just too adorable! I dare you to watch this and feel bad. About anything.

Tipsy Tuesday

Music can be a writer's muse. It can help focus your thoughts and aid in getting into a good writing groove. And what works may depend on the type of scene you're writing. Most of the time, if I'm listening to music while writing, it's light classical--nothing too "loud" that will break my concentration. It's just enough to fill the silence.

But sometimes, especially for darker scenes, I find Evanescence works great for me--even with lyrics, which in many cases can prove to be too distracting. There's just something about their sound/style that allows the writing to flow.

Happy writing!

Man Meat Monday

All right, done with the faces (for now LOL). Let's get back to more serious man meat...

Friday Funny

Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical.

My blood pressure was high... My cholesterol was high.... I had gained some weight, and I didn't feel so hot.

My doctor said eating right doesn't have to be complicated, and it would solve my physical problems.

He said, "Just think in colors: Fill your plate with bright colors. Try some greens, oranges, reds, maybe something blue, etc."

So I went right home and ate an entire bowl of M&M's...


And sure enough, I felt better immediately.

I never KNEW eating right could be so easy.



LOL!

Still So Much Vanity

I'm hearing some rumblings in the blogosphere that the only reason agents are up-in-arms over Harlequin Horizons (or I guess it's DellArte Press now?) is that they want to maintain the status quo and don't want writers discovering alternate methods of publishing. And that published authors don't want the competition and so they, too, are speaking out against this model.

WTF?!?

So I guess that's why three writers organizations--RWA, MWA and SFWA--also spoke out against it. It has nothing to do with the fact that all the money flows FROM the author TO the publisher, and NONE (or very little) will from from the publisher to the author.

I'm sitting here shaking my head. Really. I'm all for innovation in publishing. But not if I have to pay for it myself. I don't have that kind of money, or contacts. And if I can't get brick-and-mortar bookstores to shelve my book...well, I'm not gonna sell it out of the trunk of my car and then see only 50% of the royalties. AFTER I've also been told my vanity press book (Harlequin is NOT going into self-publishing, no matter that they keep calling it that.) MIGHT be picked up by the traditional side of the house, even though it wasn't good enough to publish there when I originally submitted it.

Harlequin's model is just wrong. For everyone except Harlequin (from a making-money perspective--it's not doing their rep any good, IMO).

Tipsy Tuesday

"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." ~Walt Disney

"Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that." ~Norman Vincent Peale

"Live out of your imagination, not your history." ~Stephen Covey

"The smarter the journalists are, the better off society is. For to a degree, people read the press to inform themselves-and the better the teacher, the better the student body." ~ Warren Buffet

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." ~Mark Twain

"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice." ~Bill Cosby