Friday Funny

More paraprosdokian phrases:

“I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.” — Will Rogers

Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.” — Groucho Marx

“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.” — Groucho Marx

“A modest man, who has much to be modest about.” — Winston Churchill (of Clement Atlee)

“If you are going through hell, keep going.” — Winston Churchill

“The car stopped on a dime, which unfortunately was in a pedestrian’s pocket.”

“I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.” — Mitch Hedberg

“Take my wife—please.” — Henny Youngman

"It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.” Winston Churchill

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the fire department usually uses water.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

(And I hope that last one is true!)