Friday Funny

Wife from Hell


A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly, dear--you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WOULD YOU SHUT UP?!"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

(I love this part)

"Only when he's been drinking..."



LOL! Happy Friday!

Too Cute!

This little guy is just too adorable! I dare you to watch this and feel bad. About anything.

Tipsy Tuesday

Music can be a writer's muse. It can help focus your thoughts and aid in getting into a good writing groove. And what works may depend on the type of scene you're writing. Most of the time, if I'm listening to music while writing, it's light classical--nothing too "loud" that will break my concentration. It's just enough to fill the silence.

But sometimes, especially for darker scenes, I find Evanescence works great for me--even with lyrics, which in many cases can prove to be too distracting. There's just something about their sound/style that allows the writing to flow.

Happy writing!

Man Meat Monday

All right, done with the faces (for now LOL). Let's get back to more serious man meat...

Friday Funny

Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical.

My blood pressure was high... My cholesterol was high.... I had gained some weight, and I didn't feel so hot.

My doctor said eating right doesn't have to be complicated, and it would solve my physical problems.

He said, "Just think in colors: Fill your plate with bright colors. Try some greens, oranges, reds, maybe something blue, etc."

So I went right home and ate an entire bowl of M&M's...


And sure enough, I felt better immediately.

I never KNEW eating right could be so easy.



LOL!

Still So Much Vanity

I'm hearing some rumblings in the blogosphere that the only reason agents are up-in-arms over Harlequin Horizons (or I guess it's DellArte Press now?) is that they want to maintain the status quo and don't want writers discovering alternate methods of publishing. And that published authors don't want the competition and so they, too, are speaking out against this model.

WTF?!?

So I guess that's why three writers organizations--RWA, MWA and SFWA--also spoke out against it. It has nothing to do with the fact that all the money flows FROM the author TO the publisher, and NONE (or very little) will from from the publisher to the author.

I'm sitting here shaking my head. Really. I'm all for innovation in publishing. But not if I have to pay for it myself. I don't have that kind of money, or contacts. And if I can't get brick-and-mortar bookstores to shelve my book...well, I'm not gonna sell it out of the trunk of my car and then see only 50% of the royalties. AFTER I've also been told my vanity press book (Harlequin is NOT going into self-publishing, no matter that they keep calling it that.) MIGHT be picked up by the traditional side of the house, even though it wasn't good enough to publish there when I originally submitted it.

Harlequin's model is just wrong. For everyone except Harlequin (from a making-money perspective--it's not doing their rep any good, IMO).

Tipsy Tuesday

"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." ~Walt Disney

"Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that." ~Norman Vincent Peale

"Live out of your imagination, not your history." ~Stephen Covey

"The smarter the journalists are, the better off society is. For to a degree, people read the press to inform themselves-and the better the teacher, the better the student body." ~ Warren Buffet

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." ~Mark Twain

"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice." ~Bill Cosby