Sunday, October 09, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Man Meat Monday
I'm going to be on hiatus from the blog for a few weeks while I finish up my current book, but to tide you over...
Just click on it to see the complete picture.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Friday Funny
Best Story of the Year Nominee:
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium.
She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.
"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."
Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.
"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
All the men sighed with unified relief.
The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.
He said, "I'm Tom Smith."
The entire congregation held its breath.
"I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."
Monday, June 13, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
Wednesday, June 08, 2011
One Stop Shopping from Major Publishers
Later this summer, Hachette Book Group, Simon & Schuster, and Penguin Group USA plan to roll out a new virtual bookstore, Bookish.com, where information of all things literary will be provided: suggestions on what books to buy, reviews of books, excerpts of books, and news about authors. And, of course, consumers will also be able to buy books directly from the site, leave recommendations for other readers and write reviews. Other major publishers will also be participating, but it's the three named above who have provided the financing to start up the venture.
The New York Times has an informative article on it here.
I'm very glad to have joined Hachette. What a great opportunity!
Monday, June 06, 2011
Friday, June 03, 2011
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
An Agent's Work Is Never Done
I'm constantly amazed at the numbers I see coming from agents--how many queries they get, out of those how many partials or fulls they request, and how many new clients they sign on. It's remarkable, really.
For example, Jennifer Jackson of the Donald Maass Literary Agency received 120 queries last week. Of those, she requested manuscripts on, wait for it... none. Zero. Zilch. And going over her stats back through April, her figures are consistently the same: over 150 queries with zero requests for manuscripts.
Why?!? Why is it so hard to find representation? Well, it's a fair assumption that if you don't follow the agent's guidelines or send her (or him) something the agent doesn't represent, you're going to get nowhere fast. Agents don't want you to send them your rough draft--your manuscript should be so polished you can see your reflection in it. While most agents are willing and able to help you make that thing ready to sell, they don't want to have to correct your grammar, punctuation and spelling.
Also, take rejection gracefully. There are all kinds of reasons why an agent passes up your manuscript--it's not in a genre they represent, they just signed something very similar, the story isn't to their personal liking, etc. They all want something they think they can sell to an editor--if they don't sell books, they don't eat.
That's why doing your homework before you hit the send button is so important. This is a business. Treat it like one.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Honoring Our Fallen
From a speech given by Father Richard Welch, president of Human Life International, in 2000. It's still relative today: "On this most solemn holiday, we must stop and consider the great sacrifices that others have made so that we may have the freedom and prosperity we enjoy. Let us consider what those valiant warriors were fighting for...and let us honor each and every one of them...with a prayer, and a pledge to restore to this nation the honor, morality, values and love of God for which they gave their lives. Their true memorial is the nation and culture we create from their sacrifice."
Amen.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Writing Gripping Fiction
Nathan Bransford has a terrific blog post yesterday about creating reversals in our fiction. You may have heard the advice: Make things really bad for your hero...then make them worse. But in between there you need to have the hero think that just maybe things will work out after all. Ups and downs will build compelling fiction that will be hard for your readers to put down.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
Friday Funny
Funny Quotes
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, "Lillian, you should have remained a virgin." --Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall." --Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. --Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. --George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. --Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. --Mark Twain
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. --Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. --Jimmy Durante
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. --Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. --Alex Levine
Money can't buy you happiness... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. --Spike Milligan
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. --Bob Hope
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. --Winston Churchill
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. --Phyllis Diller
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Pantser vs. Plotter
This Saturday at my local RWA chapter's meeting, our guest speaker Kathleen Baldwin is going to present "The Secret Life of Pantsers". Where do you fall on the pantser versus plotter scale? You might be a frustrated pantser living in a plotter's world. Why do you write the way you write? Explore how your creative mind operates. Plotters and pantsers alike will benefit from discussing tricks, tools and delightful games that make a writer's life easier. The creative mind is fabulously brilliant but also temperamental. Learn how to nurture and protect your unique type of creativity.
To make your reservation, go to Saguaro Romance Writers.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Friday, May 13, 2011
Friday Funny
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich. "What about you?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order "That will be $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."
The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine, "The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man.
"Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say."
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Graceless Under Pressure
There was a fire at the house next door to me last night--their storage area and carport went up in flames, cause unknown at this time. Their carport is roughly 10-12 feet away from my carport. Being roused from bed by looking out of my bedroom to see a wall of flame shooting toward my house is not pleasant. Panicking while trying to move my car out of the driveway and getting the door hung up on the outer wall of the house, thereby trashing said door, is not pleasant. Realizing that I am neither calm nor collected when under pressure...not pleasant.
But good to know for future reference. LOL Thankfully everyone made it out without injury, and there is minimal damage to the outer edge of the roof of my carport.
My poor car, on the other hand, will have to be towed to the body shop today because I can't close the door. It's ajar by about half a foot.
Half a foot. Because when I got the door hung up on the house, I did it twice. Twice. (Insert heavy sigh here.) Heroine material I am definitely not.
Monday, May 09, 2011
Friday, May 06, 2011
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